Comics
Humor

O Captain, My Captain++

By Albert, Lord Graspington from source material by Walt Whitman

O Captain, my Captain!
My wicked, AWESOME Captain!

Our fearful trip is done;

The ship has weathered every rack,
and we had a lot of fun!
Plus those aliens who came down from space,
we kicked their asses back!

Not only did we kick their butts,
the prize we sought is won;
though I am not sure what we should do
with a bunny, giant and plush, O.
Perhaps the tiger or the snake would fit the ship's decor, O.

The port is near,
the bells I hear,
the people all exulting,
except that guy, on the left,
who seems to be convulsing.

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jeffa 9/5/2011
Essays

What Is Real?

Ever since man was no more than a glob of snot floating in a primordial ocean of ooze, he has pondered the nature of reality.

Perhaps this inquiry came later in his evolutionary journey.

He may have even been a glob of snot with legs by the time he began questioning the universe around him, but snot he was and snot he would remain for billions of years.

One clarification to avoid labels of sexism; the current English male pronoun is used to describe our primordial progenitor for the simple sake of convenience. In fact our gelatinous little ancestor had no gender. Like many fans of science fiction he would have no sex at all for much of his existence.

So there floated our wee ancestral phlegm pondering existence.

He wondered if there might be a world above the water.

He wondered what IS real? Is this watery world in which I find myself floating real and if so, am I keeping it real?

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jeffa 8/9/2011

Keurig Is The New Modem

That title doesn't make sense.

Keurig is a coffee maker and a modem... isn't.

If titles could be as long as blog posts I would have said, The Sound A Keurig Coffee Maker Makes When Brewing The Liquid Fuel That Is My Addiction Is The New Replacement For The Sound Of A Modem Connecting.

Say what?

You young'uns won't remember the special thrill of hearing a modem singing it's love song to various BBSes and eventually the internet (my bad, teh internetz).

That sing-song chirp-fest meant you were about to tap into a rich vein of... well mostly chat, email and "door games".

Ha! Door games are now an obscure reference.

It's what we did before Flash and FaceBook.

Door games were simple games that a BBS could drop you into after you connected.

Legend Of The Red Dragon!

Yeah! Interestingly enough many of the FaceBook games are just spam-tastic versions of old door games.

You take a certain number of turns each day and other players do the same.

The big difference now is that the apps SPAM the LIVING Be-Jebus out of all your friends who don't know how to ignore them.

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jeffa 12/29/2010

Man Vs. Robot

When I was a kid, I loved a comic book called Magnus The Robot Fighter.

Magnus was a robot fighting machine human, who stood up to the robotic overlords who for some reason I can't remember were both bossy and mean.

Despite the futuristic setting complete with flying cars (which I seem to remember you lay on your stomach to fly) and of course robots everywhere, apparently the best weapons for fighting said robots were your bare hands.

Well, not YOUR bare hands, pretty much only the hands of Magnus The Robot Fighter.

I'm guessing their little robotic faces were made from thin aluminum based on the damage Magnus' fist inflicted.

I am curious what metal was used in the construction of their spindly little necks because Magnus could karate chop their heads right off.

Those robots needed to learn the meaning of the word recall.

The best part was how cute they thought Magnus was as he was killing them because they often said, "SQUEEE!!!" as he mangled and beheaded them.

Jump forwards about 30 years and a question that looms over the future of space exploration is what mix of human vs. robotic missions make sense.

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jeffa 9/18/2010

Are Droids Slaves?

Let's talk about droids. You know, the droids you are looking for.

Droid Factory Toy
Beaver-Toothed Alien presides over auction of helpless droids before going to gnaw on a table leg or something.

In Star Wars we see droids that are clearly sentient.

They are often smarter than the humans and aliens with whom they associate.

I'd be hard pressed to name a more emotional robot than C3PO without resorting to Marvin from Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

The treatment of the droids is also clearly the treatment of slaves.

If we accept that they are sentient, then they should cease to be treated as inanimate objects and property.

Yet even the noble Jedi treat the droids in the most cavalier ways.

In the first movie we see the use of torture in the Jawa Sandcrawler. We see a boxy little fellow turned upside down and hot irons are applied to his feet. A non-feeling toaster-bot would not have SCREAMED now would he?

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jeffa 8/8/2010
Poetry

No Time

For a long time there was nothing,

although it could have been

No time at all.

Time may not have been,

or it might not

Have been time but something

Else.

Then It happened.

Bang.

Not just bang;

BIG BANG.

Now there was time.

Time for all things.

Things became things,

and things pulled other things

To become

BIG things

until the big things were

Big enough to FLAME ON

But not flame, could not be flame because

NO O2

But HOT and BRIGHT

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